The Ripped Soul

I feel like I'm dying slowly. This pain in my chest, my lungs feel so heavy and wet that it's so hard to breathe sometimes.. This ache in my heart. The pain in my head when I get out of bed.

Wayne was out with me and Joce the other day and he asked me if I planned on further studies.. the answer that I always lie is "perhaps, someday" but I know for a fact it's a no. And he tried to push me further on it, go for it, and all that, but how do you just jump and go for it when you have no purpose? No direction? Nothing?

Then he asked what my ambition is.. and I've got none. Is it wrong to have no ambition in life? Possibly. So then is it better if I'm off dead?

I lay in bed and I ask myself these questions.. but they come back unanswered. I don't know what I want to do. I've got no dreams that are big.. like to be a star or a director or some CEO of a company.

I just.. wanna be free? I feel so tied down with responsibilities.. and it's so hard to just shake it all off.

Got a job offer from Diz and Sam last night after I called. So much happened.. and I didn't even know.

They're both resigning, Sha resigned as well.. and they're both opening a shop somewhere in AMK. A little bit out of the area for me.. and that place in itself rakes up so much memories between Jas and me. I'd know because Joce would drive around AMK and I'd look around.. and it hurts.

It hurts to go to the macdonalds drive thru, to the library, to the entire route we used to walk all the time to and fro from work. Memories still play, my heart still aches.

I haven't heard from Sherlyn or Anna in a while too.. and I miss my best friends.

If only life wasn't so complicated.. it really is so easy. But we make it complicated.

Sigh.