Meet the Good For Nothings.

"Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. When wearing a skirt didn’t make you a slut. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn’t wait to grow up."

Got that from AJ.

I'm insanely depressed? Lonely? Blue?

Laugh. Yeah, laugh. Sherlyn, laugh. I know you're laughing. Going all "Jess feeling all blue-boo-hoo again." Isn't that what you said in EDC? Thanks bud.

Mom told me this morning that she was sorry she couldn't fulfill her promise of sending me over to the States. She was sorry she couldn't return me the money she owed. Helen was scammed again, the stock broker told her that she needs to deposit another $5,ooo and the $10 million will be hers next February 15th.

When I heard the story, I told myself these guys are fools and they're scammed. Duped.

For some reason even my mom believed it would work.

TEN MILLION DOLLARS DON'T JUST DROP OUT OF THE FUCKING SKIES NIGGA DAMN.

Doesn't matter if you're a stock broker, if you play with stocks and the market or if you freaking play 4D or TOTO. You don't get that kind of money overnight.

And so many people have lent her money.. she's in debt of what? $43,ooo?

And mom looks at me like I have an answer. I don't.

Christmas is gonna be just as blue as last year's. At least I don't have to pull through heartache.

Just disappointment. Broken hearts, broken dreams, broken promises, broken wallet.

Diz and Sam keep calling me and asking me about working for them.. but I'm so depressed that I don't even want to go anywhere. I don't wanna do anything. It's the fucking holidays and for once in my life things can't even look up for once.

Those GFNs at home wanna whine and bitch about giving money. They're giving $300?

I'm not even going to say how much I just threw at my mom when I was working without saying anything.

Remember when you were a kid and adults said "you wish you'd never have to grow up." when you keep saying you wish you were older?

I should have listened when they said that.

I wish I was a kid. But it doesn't matter.

As a kid I suffered. I'm a teen and I suffered. I'm growing as I type and I'm still suffering.

Makes you wonder when the hell you ever get out of this misery of a life.

Maybe when we all die.

Then again, even in hell we suffer. So if Earth is hell enough, what's the afterlife?

Sigh.