The Ripped Soul

So.. it's Christmas.

Merry.. Christmas?

:D

I'm a survivor! :O

It's been one year. Whew. Goodbye heartache.

But my best friend has to go through it this year... and I'm so sorry it had to happen.. never a right time to say goodbye.

What do you say to someone who's heartbroken?

How are you? Feeling better? Are you okay? You alright there?

I know you're feeling like shit. I know you're hurting. I know the hurt inside your heart. I know the hole inside your chest. I know the black void you feel inside you. I know it hurts so fucking much it numbs you. I know it's so hard to see couples around you. I know it hurts to see him, hear his voice, hear people ask "is everything okay with you two? what happened?" I know you feel like throwing a glass bottle at the happy couples around you, and you feel like smashing the heads of the couples around you fighting.

"STOP FIGHTING AND KISS AND MAKE UP MOTHERFUCKS! AT LEAST YOU STILL HAVE EACH OTHER! LOOK AT ME! I'VE GOT NO ONE! Where has my love gone? WHERE!?!"

I know.

I know you're probably screaming that at Facebook couples who are like "xxx is in a relationship with xoxoxo and it's complicated."

I know your heart screams for a second chance, that your conscience tells you "told you so bitch, why didn't you listen?"

I know a small child inside you feels like you're unloved and that you'd never be loved again..

But..

I don't know if it's worth it, I don't know if I'm worth it, but I know one more thing.

I'm here for you if you want me there for you.

You wanna smoke? Smoke. It will get you addicted, but if God's will be it, you'll quit eventually. I was a smoker and I smoked till the heavens opened and angels told me to stop it. It was hard, but I quit it. If I can, if Wayne can, if Joyce can, you can too. But it will take time. And it's gonna drive you insane.

Do I like it? I don't. The reason I quit smoking was FOR you. The day you guys started fighting about smoking, that's the day I looked at my box and said to myself, "fuck. the one thing that kills me, that helps me so much with my stress, and it's now the one thing my best friend is fighting over and crying over. Is it really worth it?" And I quit. For you. Otherwise I'd still be a smoker. And wasting tons of dollars while I'm at it.

I'm not gonna sit here and tell you how to work your life out. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you, baby girl, move on, because there's a truckload of guys out there waiting for you, and he wasn't the first, nor would he be the last.

You know you're better than that.
You know you're loved WAY more than that.
You know I love you, more than anything in the world, because you're my best friend.

Nothing will ever change that.

Not a cigarette, not a boy, not crazy antics or making me sing "We wish you a merry christmas" loud as a motherfuck on the bus on my way home.

I love you, and I will always be here for you. Even at 2am in the morning.

Merry Christmas.