The Ripped Soul

New Year's Eve and Siloso.

Gotta say, the party was well.. quite worth it. Apart from it being all boring in the beginning, Sherlyn got the crowd going.. well, kinda. And needless to say my energy spent on "WHOOP WHOOPing" and yelling "SAY WHAT!" when the DJ spins or if Pitbull sang "hotel, motel, holiday inn" for the 100th time...

Having Wayne around was fun too. He listened to me yell and then he would back me up. Haha. Series of unfortunate events followed, though.

I was forced to take part in the waveboarding tryout, thanks to Lyn. *roll eyes*
Realized I lost Wayne's handphone after that.

Figured it must've popped out of my pocket when we were all hyper and jumping like mad motherfucks. Now you know why your parents say to leave your valuables with someone that's sitting down, and not jumping around.

Sigh.

So, yeah.. started off the new year depres.. okay, not depressed, but upset, over the loss of his handphone.

See, the thing is, I don't lose things. Whatever I have, whatever valuables I keep, they're always there at the beginning, and they're still there at the end.

All my years in school and I'd hear my friends say they lost a phone, they lost their iPod, they lost their CD player, they lost a wallet, they lost keys, they lost their homework, etc etc

I never lost anything. And I'd always wonder HOW IN THE BLUE HELL CAN THEY LOSE SHIT LIKE THAT.

I never lost a single thing. Not my keys, not my wallet, not even the handphone.

If I ever said I lost my homework, it meant that I didn't do it, or someone else stole my piece of shit and copied it off.

So needless to say, handphone lost and everything, I felt like an absolute idiot, and Wayne, asshole he is, decided to rub it in hard as he could. I could feel the tension in the car when we drove.. and I felt bad. I don't know if it showed, but I felt bad then, and I still do now.

I didn't know how to fix it. How to make it better. Run back to the party spot? See if it's still there? Unlikely. We all know it. We know how it works. It would either be 5 ft under sand, in someone's hands, under someone's foot, smashed, or in someone's pocket. And the phone was off, which didn't simplify things.

Anyway, countdown to 2010 and everyone was all over Lyn. To the beach partygoer next to me that was grinding all over her, to the ang moh guy in front of her who asked her for a kiss when it struck midnight, to the half naked men dancing in their bermudas that wanted to squeeze her to death inbetween their man chests.. which didn't surprise me, really.

But it was good to be standing next to her.. it's like there's this chemistry. A song could play, and if we both knew the song, we'd just look at each other in the eye and just sing it out fuckn loud. And it rocked, really.

Remember when the entire crowd was singing and dancing and yelling to Bad Romance. Haha. It was a crazy night.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.. and everyone's shouting Happy New Year and getting hugs and kisses and I just looked around. If my life for that one moment could've been slowed down by a notch, this is what the opening of the new year would've looked like.

There were so many faces, I was surrounded by people, by friends I knew. It was like as though their faces were all contorted, their smiles and grins uglified, believing that 2009 was a bad year, and that 2010 would bring about so much better.

And in my head I asked, 'what difference does it make?'

And people were jumping, and I was watching out for my toes against this indian fellow dancing on my right like as if he owned the entire spot where I was standing. And my head turned, and people were jumping, pointing at the sky, pointing at the stage, pointing at cameras.. I looked again, and someone popped a popper, and I saw Wayne and Joce making out. I looked away, and I saw Sherlyn getting hugged by strangers all around. People were hi-fiving me like a schoolkid.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Couples were kissing, guys were goofing around, people were pointing up at fireworks, and I looked up. The beautiful spread of colored lights, as it popped and fell apart. Red, blue, green, gold.. the loud pops of sound, the extravagant light display.

Somewhere out there, you would've been there. You probably would've been looking at the same thing. At this point in my post I don't know whether to say I miss you, or I wish you were there with me so I wouldn't feel alone so much.. but that's how I felt at the time.

Then Sherlyn jumps on me. And she squeals happily "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" in my ears.

And life resumes after that.

I wake up the next morning at Wayne's, I overhear him and his mom talking about cancelling the line, and yesterday's events hit me harder than a boring brick.

I lost his phone. Le sigh.

I looked at Sherlyn sleep, and I just shut my eyes.. falling asleep soon after. When everything in real life fails, go back to the world of magic, yes? But even dreams have room for nightmares.

So where do you go when life fails and when dreams turn to nightmares? Nowhere.