He was supposed to come at 12mn to pick his shit up. He didn't. So I thought they were a no-show. 3:15am and I heard his voice from the lift landing. I straight jumped off my chair, killed my cigarette, switched off the monitor and the box with the TV and speakers. Chucked the controller and the game into a bag and accidentally fell over the stool I was sitting on.
Mom woke up.
The gate opened and I heard his key go into the lock.
I fucking panicked. Cigarette smells. Popped the ricola sweet into my mouth, drank a mouthful of water, ran to the door, unlocked the hatch and popped in my mom's room doorway.
"They're here?"
"So open the door.. why so panicky?"
Opened the latch, opened the door and pretended with my bed hair that I just got out of bed and said with a slur that the cat was on the loose.
My heart was fucking pounding.
Jumped into bed and faced the wall.
He grabbed his stuff, I saw her walk up and down the hallway..
And just as they were about to leave, he commented on my skullcandy headphones that were hanging on my windowpane.
"How'd she get that?"
And mom explained it was a present.
He saw my new nike shoes sitting on top of the newspapers.
"Whoa, new shoes?"
And she told him I was working part time so I could get them.
It's completely fucking retarded how it feels like the world around me almost expects that I can never get these things. I can never buy these exclusive branded stuff. That only the rich kids get them. That people who give their all in hard work can't get them.
It's sickening how it feels to me that everyone feels that I don't deserve such luxury, such branded goods, such wishes and dreams to come true.
It sucks when I see how people react to the things I have.
Maybe it's a different type of envy.. but please, don't say shit to make me feel like I don't deserve to have what I have.
I don't say a word about the bag on your back, or the shoes on your feet. So why make noise about me and what I own?
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